3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
