dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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