you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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