His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
