Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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