He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
