Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
