Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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