Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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