In the future we'll all be gay
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You ruined the universe
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
