I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
