Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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