u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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