Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
