covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I believe in your delicious
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
