Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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