so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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