I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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