dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
