HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I fill condoms, not promises.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
