that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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