I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
