I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
