Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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