who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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