your thong is hanging out like whoa
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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