what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
