I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
