So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
