I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
