if i can run in heels then i can drive
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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