I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
