hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you remember whose house we're in?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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