So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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