im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
