And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
