omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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