i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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