I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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