so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
