we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
