i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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