My room smells like vodka and shame
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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