I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
