i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
