You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
