I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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