Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So vagazzling was a success
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
