So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
