Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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