I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
