god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
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I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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