3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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