there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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