so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
They have beer where we have blood.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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