Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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