its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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