bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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