I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
