he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
