I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
