Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize