Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
