Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
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I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
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I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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