How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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