can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
