Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
