the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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