You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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