the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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